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Some churches already have deacons assigned to watch over the offering plate or off duty police hired to roam the grounds. But such practices may now ratchet up. Coleman, of All Nations Baptist, suggested that ushers may have to take on security duties; ministers, he said, need to “come out of the pulpit” so they can recognize who comes through their doors..

But none of that’s as bad as watching Channel Nine’s Test cricket coverage with the sound on. Is it any wonder Billy Birmingham retired there’d be no ARIA awards coming his way, for making comedy based on the shenanigans of Michael Clarke and Mark Taylor. And tell me, dear readers: how many of you were fortunate enough to receive Clarkey’s version of non fiction in your Festivus footy sock this year? Poor sods, my sympathy.

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